Why Now?
I have to ask myself every once in awhile and think about what it is that I’m doing. Who it is that I’m talking to and where are they coming from? How did I find them in the first place?
This might get a bit personal but you won’t see a lot of these posts so I rather say it than not. That’s the part of blogging which I like. Having these spurts of dashboard confessionals. 
Everybody’s got a story to tell. I’m going to take today and lower the curtains so you’ll know where I’m coming from.
Background
I had a very good life. Great parents and great siblings. No complaints. In fact they allowed me so much freedom during the elementary and crucial years of my life that I kind of took advantage of it.
I wanted to rebel and say ‘Hey look at me!‘
That didn’t work for too long because I felt bad for putting them in a position they didn’t want to be. I know, it’s cruel. But I needed this to knock me out of my sorry-a** transition. Not knowing what to do with life and school was boring the crap out of my mind, I needed some fun. So before I turned 21, on the last day of class towards my associates degree, I stopped going to school.
From thereon I had quite an adventure. Shaved my head, had my first cigarette, got drunk and let my early 20s spin out of control … because I had no direction. I was in denial of my very existence so I went crazy, literally, and spent some time in my own prison.
I can understand why some woman face judgment during this phase. I got fixated on my identity and womanhood. It’s just a rite of passage which had to happen if not now than later. Luckily, it happened during my college daze.
I dealt with all that by writing songs, poems and theories. The thoughts kept pouring out of my pen and soon enough I had notebooks filled with epiphanies. It was my Lilith Fair moment.
The last time I released some material was in 2007 under the moniker ThuMUSE. Listen to it on soundclick. I suggest you put on some headphones for a better experience.
This creative exercise gave me an inner peace I didn’t have to ask for. I started finding strength in it and during my mid-20s decided to exile myself again from reality and write away as a hermit does. This time creatively.
The following was an accumulation of works that when I now read over, am proud to say, love has awakened me. Love made me come back and more over, love made me accept who I am.
I am a woman after all.
My hands, my arms, my body, my face. I accept it all. I accept my culture, my heart and most importantly I believe.
It is having this faith to live for who I am that makes me love more. If I’m beginning to sound like a female that’s because I am and I love it. I’m having my talk-show moment. But don’t get me wrong, I had my days and the worst is now behind me. I’m aiming for better.
Today
I don’t know what it is that brought me online. I know that it wasn’t all the excitement of chatting or keeping in touch. I wanted more and was beginning to feel frustrated on why I didn’t utilize my education in computing well. Instead I slaved away to the demands of those I didn’t want to work with.
I started to become opinionated and this was something I think I’ve silenced for a long time. I only do this if there’s something to my advantage otherwise, I don’t really care. That’s the truth.
I’m getting older so I don’t have time to beat around the bush as I use to. I don’t want to give time to something that I won’t benefit from. Yes, by almighty, I know I can’t go back. I can’t even think of starting over again. But what I can do is start now, look ahead and work hard on living with love, care and the pursuit of happiness. Most importantly take action on my freedom.
This is the time, the place and my reasons.
I’m writing again and finding myself through blogging. I’m reading again and finding ideas making sense. I’m listening again to reasons which I may have failed to comprehend before. This is why I want to reach out, learn and share my thoughts with everyone.
This is me.
The Future
I know we all tend to break away from dreaming as we get older but that’s something that I think the creative mind needs. Blogging is a creative form of venting. It is a successful platform for self-promotion. I hopped on the bandwagon because it’s one of the things to do before I hit the bucket. This and making money online successfully long-term with a stable business system in place.
This is why I’m taking a course on blogging which I might have otherwise learned for free but why did I pay for it?
Sometimes you have to pay for your action and it puts greater emphasis on how you learn. It forces you to take your action seriously and renders you responsible because it puts you on the spot. With the Blog Mastermind program, I’m stepping into a territory which I wish I should have done earlier. But to no avail, I am fortunate for having something to work with and that I enjoy.
What are your thoughts on this post?
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